Safety Conversations with Young People Make a Difference

It's always a great time to talk with your child about personal safety. By routinely conducting low-key discussions and practical exercises, you can help build your child's confidence and skills, which can be useful if they ever get into a bind.

Steer clear of drumming up fear about stranger danger. This term can cause confusion and may discourage a child from seeking help. Additionally, the majority of child abuse cases involve someone who they know, not a stranger.

Age-appropriate discussions should include:

• Being alert and aware in public. People who maintain a healthy awareness of their surroundings are more likely to notice potential dangers and react accordingly. To train your kids, play a game where they scan the area and describe the people and activities they observe. What are the nearest cross-streets, park and landmarks? These details will be helpful if they need to call the police.
• Trusting intuition. Kids who learn to trust their gut can more readily identify and avoid a problem situation. Reinforcing these instincts will help them strengthen this defense mechanism over time.
• Eliminating distractions. Texting, Smartphone games and music will interfere with awareness and intuition.
• Being assertive. “Kids need to build confidence to say ‘no’ or ‘I’m not comfortable with that,’” says School Resource Officer Brian Imus. In some cases they may need to be rude to avoid an uncomfortable situation. This includes asserting physical boundaries if someone gets too close.
• Asking other adults for help. If they feel unsafe, there are adults who can help them when you’re not available such as police officers, store clerks, bus drivers, postal workers, teachers and neighbors.
• Memorizing contact information. In case of an emergency, they should know their full names, parents’/guardians’ full names, addresses, including city and state, phone numbers, including area codes, and your contact information during work.
• Knowing when to call 9-1-1. Teach them how and when to call 9-1-1. The dispatcher will ask them many questions to assess safety and location. Ideally they stay on the line until the dispatcher tells them to hang up, as long as it is safe to do so.
• Communicating plans at all times. They should always check with you first before going anywhere with another person — even an acquaintance. Sometimes kids don’t communicate when they’re breaking rules. “Parents should be upfront with them, letting them know that they can call you no matter what,” says Imus.
• Communicating concerns. They should let you or a trusted adult know immediately if someone makes them feel uncomfortable. There are no secrets where safety is concerned.
• Friending strangers online. “If your child can’t tell you who their online friends are and where they met them, such as Susie from math class, that’s a problem,” advises Imus. “Go through their friend’s list and ask questions.”

Routine discussions and practical exercises can help bolster your child’s personal safety skills. Open lines of communication so that you can take advantage of the teachable moments that present themselves each week.

At various times throughout the year, Tigard Police offers a safety program for children to help them stay safe when home unsupervised. I Can Do This! provides children ages 8 - 11 with tools to build confidence, allowing them to be better prepared for unexpected issues which may arise while parents are away.

If you live in Tigard, follow the Tigard Police Department on Nextdoor to be one of the first to know about newly added class. You can also become a fan of the Tigard Police Department on Facebook or follow @tigardpolice on Twitter for updates on upcoming classes.

“Comfort level is a good gauge for determining whether your children can stay home alone,” says Detective Kristan Rinell of Tigard Police.

Are they able to manage routine responsibilities and make sound decisions in the face of an emergency? When you ask them if they’re ready, do they answer yes, no or do they waffle? An honest assessment of their skill set and emotional maturity can help you evaluate comfort levels and determine if it’s time to hand over the keys or do some more work.

A child should demonstrate personal responsibility before the transition. Their willingness and ability to follow through with a plan, the house rules and a chore list are positive signs that they’re reliable. If multiple kids are staying at home alone, age-appropriate tasks should be assigned. The oldest child will naturally shoulder more serious tasks, but Rinell cautions against putting anyone in charge to avoid a power struggle. If a disagreement escalates, they should plan to retreat to separate areas until an adult returns.

Detective Rinell is a strong proponent of scenario based training. Repeatedly running through possible scenarios can leave a mental imprint that informs your child’s decision making when tested. Defining what constitutes an emergency will ensure that their concern for the broken XBox is sidelined for later whereas the fire in the microwave is immediately addressed. Examples of scenarios may include what to do if:

• Police, fire or medical assistance is needed. Show them how to call (without actually dialing) and review examples of when they should and shouldn’t call. If your child doesn’t have a cell phone, Rinell recommends buying at least a prepaid phone that they can readily access in their pocket.
• Someone knocks on the door. Rinell advises parents to adopt a policy of not opening the door. Children should check to ensure that all doors and windows are locked.
• A fire or gas leak occurs. Talk to kids about cooking safety and other activities that can cause a fire. If there is thick smoke, they should know to stay low and go. Can they identify the smell of gas? In that case, they should cover their mouth, nose and leave immediately. Although a difficult conversation, they need to know to leave immediately for their safety even if a pet remains inside.
• They encounter hazards such as broken glass or a gun. If they see a gun left out at home or a friend’s house, instruct them to walk away and tell an adult immediately.
• Someone is injured from minor cuts and burns, nosebleeds to serious injuries requiring immediate medical attention. Stock the first aid kit together, explaining what can be treated at home and what requires medical attention.

Get to know your neighbors. “It’s important for your children to recognize their faces and feel comfortable asking them for assistance when necessary, even calling 9-1-1 on their behalf.”

For the waffling child, gradually increase the time they spend alone. Initially you may visit your neighbor for fifteen minutes, offering assurances that you can be easily reached and will return soon. “With each success, they will build confidence and you can let out the leash a little more,” says Rinell.

Oregon law dictates that a child must be at least ten years old to stay home alone without adult supervision. However, their comfortability being alone and dealing with the challenges that may emerge can also reveal their readiness for this transition.

Tigard Police would like to remind parents of the curfew ordinance within the City of Tigard. Curfew laws are in place to protect youth who are more vulnerable to crime and safety issues at night when there are fewer community members available to assist them.

The ordinance states that no minor shall be in or upon any street, highway, park, alley or other public place between the following hours:

When there is no school the next day:

• 14 or older: 12:00 am to 6:00 am
• Under 14: 10:15 pm to 6:00 am

When there is school the next day:

• 14 or older: 10:15 pm to 6:00 am
• Under 14: 9:15 pm to 6:00 am

The exceptions to the curfew laws are minors who are:

• Accompanied by a parent, guardian or other person twenty-one years of age or older and authorized by the parent or by law to have care and custody of the minor,
• Engaged in a lawful pursuit or activity which requires such a minor to be present in such public places during these hours, or
• Legally emancipated

Our main goal is to ensure that minors are safe and not at risk of becoming victims of crime. Where necessary, officers will enforce curfew times in Tigard and may need to take a minor into protective custody until they can be safely returned to parents. Depending on the nature and severity of the incident, officers may charge parents and a minor with a misdemeanor offense related to curfew violations.

Tigard Police strive to work together with parents and youth to keep our community safe. Please speak to your children about curfew, its importance and encourage compliance.